What are ya tryin' to do? Make me sick?!" She. I said, "Hey! Doctor! Flick that sweat ball off your nose!. That little sweat ball just wouldn't fall off!. Like, if she turned her head, it didn't fall off, if she stood up, it didn't fall off, she scratched, it didn't fall off, and when she picked a little piece of sweater out of her belly button, it didn't fall off!. It was just hangin' there! It wouldn't fall off!. But what this nude psychologist doesn't know is that she had this little teeny tiny ball o' sweat right here, hangin' off the tip of her nose!. That very smart pixie lady who thinks she knows everything. Who do you think is sitting next to me but Dr. So, I go in there but before I sit down, I put this clean towel on the bench 'cause there's a lot of people in there and you don't know where they been!. But why should I waste it on a bunch of fat ladies in a health club?Īnyway, they got this sauna there which is a little hot room where you go to sweat like a pig. But, personally, I, Roseanne Roseannadanna, don't like to walk around with no clothes in front of other people! Not that I don't got a great body. Some of 'em look like a little star or a shell or a clam. Some of them got a little piece of their sweater still in it!. Like, some go in and some go out or it's like a hole or it curls around or it's like a little knob on it, like a door. And there's other people there that got these funny belly buttons. Like, some people got those bulgy-bulgy thighs, the ones that get chafed just 'cause they're always scrapin' against each other. You know, the ones where it's real expensive to join but it's worth it, 'cause you get to see a lot o' people that you don't know naked!. And to get back in shape, I had to join one of those fancy-shmancy health clubs. īut I know exactly what you're goin' through 'cause once, I, Roseanne Roseannadanna, quit smokin'. Feder, you sound like a real attractive guy!. Now, I'm depressed, I gained weight, my face broke out, I'm nauseous, I'm constipated, my feet swelled, my gums are bleedin', my sinuses are clogged, I got heartburn, I'm cranky and I have gas. Richard Feder from Fort Lee, New Jersey writes in and says: "Dear Roseanne Roseannadanna, Last Thursday, I quit smokin'. Roseanne Roseannadanna: Thanks a lot, Jane! Thanks a lot! A Mr. Here to comment further is Update health correspondent, Roseanne Roseannadanna. Jane Curtin: This past Thursday was the Great American Smoke Out, a day that everyone in America was encouraged to stop smoking cigarettes for a twenty-four hour period. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow. And when that happens, Jane, those Cossacks will be coming over here with their broom handle, and we'll see how you'll feel then! Of course, you'd probably love it, you ignorant slut! Any idiot can see that Iran would be a prized stepping stone in an eventual Soviet takeover of the world. Both leftist radical states and in the south, the Persian Gulf. To the north, the Soviet Union to the east and west, Afghanistan and Iraq. Then you'll be singing a different tune!ĭan Aykroyd: Jane, you poor, misguided scrag! Sure, the Shah's a jerk, but he's all we've got! Just look at the map. He's a fighter against Communism." Maybe so, Dan, but what happened to the human rights you scream about every time a Saranski gets sentenced to some Soviet jail? Why is it wrong to torture a dissident and freezing Siberian Goulag, but okay to wire a leftist student's genitals in a baking Tehran dungeon? I only hope that someday someone wires your genitals, Dan. Jane Curtin: Dan, I know exactly what you're going to say: "Jane, you ignorant slut! The Shah is our friend, he sent us oil during the 70's re-embargo. Jane will take the Anti-Shah Point, and I will take the Pro-Shah Counterpoint. The Shah is the subject of tonight's "Point/Counterpoint". This week, the Shah of Iran declared martial law, in an attempt to put a stop to the violent writing which has paralyzed his country. I'm "Weekend Update" Station Manager Dan Aykroyd.
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